Assertiveness, A Personal Skill You Need.

Hello friend! I'm back!. Shall we discuss Assertiveness? Personal communication skills is very underrated but very fundamental for self realisation and peace of mind.

WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?

A few months after my high school, I was desperately in search of a job just to break free from running home errands mummy and my elder sister. I had a mobile phone and a new girlfrnd two streets away so I had responsibilities 🙄. 

Luckily, I was invited for an interview in a small sales store. I sat quietly in the lobby beside another young lady who appeared to be more ready for job from the way she was outfitted. We were both interviewed the same time and after a couple of questions the interviewer said "finally, can you do anything to get this job"? "Yes", I replied quickly nodding my head to further reassure him. He turned to the girl beside me. "I don't think I can do anything Sir! but I'll do all I can...". 😲 I was shocked. "How dare she say that ? She has lost the job already. Shiz even smiling " I thought to myself.

Now that is being assertive. Assertiveness is your ability to truthfully express your opinion, attitude, feeling, and rights while respecting the feelings and rights of others. Assertive communication is open, direct, honest and clarifies your desire. This puts you in a better place of gettin what you need and deserve. 

DANGERS OF UNASSERTIVENESS

Regrets :

Do you find yourself saying "YES" to a requests you should say "NO" to because you don't want to disappoint the other person? Ending up with the whole "could've, would've, should've" regrets?

Fraustration/Depression :

Do u find yourself in that relationship where you feel helpless, hopeless because you have no control over your life and decisions? then you're a step away from depression.

Timidity :

Do you feel attacked when others have a different opinion other than yours? Do you feel your opinion doesn't count? Do you lack the ability to say "NO" or "I CAN'T" without remorse or guilt?. Your inability to be assertive is equal to you being and remaining a timid individual. 

Resentment :

Do your get back from work only to transfer anger on your spouse, sibblings, or children for having being manipulated or taking advantage of by your fellow employee or superior inda office? Your unassertiveness can clearly cause you resentments 

HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE?

Have confident body gestures. Face the the other person, maintain eye contact ( if u cant, look away as if in a thought bt dnt look down). Stand or sit straight, wear a serious but approachable look. Shake hands firmly, it projects you as confident.

Use a clear and calm voice and speak slowly. It shows you know what you're saying. Be apt and concise when making ur points. It shows wisdom. Get back your place when interrupted. E.g "I like to speak without interruption" instead of " you're interrupting me". You get somewhere and you aren't noticed, say "excuse me" clearly n firmly. Remember what you allow is what will continue.

Take control of ur thoughts and views. Use "I" statements e.g "I believe it shouldn't....." don't say " maybe it shouldn't..."Don't be apologetic when you have done nothing wrong e.g "sorry can I say something," say instead "excuse me would like to....". Make direct request without a chance to say no. e.g "James please bring...." dnt say "James do u mind....". avoid saying "um", "like", "as in" when trying to make a strong point. 

Appear smart in whatever you wear. Set firm boundaries. Speak your mind and don't expect people to read it and don't try to please everybody...

 Finally, the lady beside me during the interview got the job and I did not.